I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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