So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
