when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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