I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
