im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
