I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
