Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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