Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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