Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
