Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
