you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
