Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My penis needs a shock collar
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
