After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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