I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
