he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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