My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
