Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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