he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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