I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Randomize
