i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
