Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Me too!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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