the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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