dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
