Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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