try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize