whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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