my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
