they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
