When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
