1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
