I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
