There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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