Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
