OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
