I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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