some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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