No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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