at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
