i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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