You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
