you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
