either way he was missing a nipple.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I love you. Go after that dick
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
