I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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