Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
did i just pee glitter
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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