when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
