I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
