In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
