DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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