You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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