i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
