omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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