My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
