I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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