also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
