Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
