Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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