i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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