Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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